Circles

Disclamer: For those of you who haven’t noticed, I LOVE using parentheses and parenthetical thoughts because that is how my brain works.  When I blog, I am normally writing down what I want to write and the parentheses ( ) are what my stream of consciousness is saying in the meantime.  There is a LOT of parentheses today.  Have fun!

And the first week of college (even though it was only a half week, it counts!) is done.  Over the past week (isn’t amazing that tomorrow makes a full week?!) I have made many new friends, have arranged something resembling a living space, dealt with an obnoxious drunk (who happens to be in the lounge outside my room right now, thankfully sober but still obnoxious), sent roughly 15 letters to various individuals, completed my Office Verification, purchased most of my books (that was tough emotionally), received entrance counseling for the student loan I took out (literally felt like I was signing away my soul), and made something I can call a life in the great green/white north.

As I was coming back from lunch after eating with my friends Belle, Ella, and Lauren (can you tell in which gender my friends lie?) I started up the staircase to my floor where I live.  As I went up I had the thought, “I have friends!” and I was happy until sadness popped up.  I looked at Sadness and said to her, “What up Sadness, what are you doing here?”

This old emotional friend told me that she had come because while it was a good thing to make friends, I now needed to mourn over the loss of others I left at home.  I’m not sad now, so don’t freak out (that means you Beckie!), but I thought for a moment about the problems with dual community. 

When I was in high school (that sounds so weird to say) I had what I called “circles” which I explained to Kathy Standridge one time.  She didn’t get it, but I hope you all can do better.  I had circles I ran with, such as my Ada Circle, Camp Circle, and Swimming Circle, and more often than not, these circles never touched.  I was a different person in each of these groups, and that is how I liked to keep it.  When I was at Ada High, people saw me as more of a brainiac and the typical straight A nerd.  In camp I was the spiritual, popular, leader, crazy kid that you loved or well, I think everyone loved me.  At swimming I was an older brother, hard worker, put up with no nonsense kind of person.  I was the same person at each place, ultimately, but I let one side of me show over another.  It was not acting, as some of you may think, but it really was just one of my many… hats. 

There was never a problem until Dalton Walker, one of my good swimming buddies came to camp.  Then my circles started “touching” and my home people became camp people and my camp people knew about my home people.  It reminds me of when I met Mila Loya.  My favorite teacher in junior high was Nadine Cooper, who taught advanced reading and other fun things (I.L.O. for those Adans who know what I’m talking about) and she would tell us stories about her family for teaching.  Well, Mila is her daughter, and I already knew more about her than she ever imagined through her mother.  As Mrs. Cooper said, “you were never supposed to actually MEET these people!”

So why do I digress on this subject about circles and teachers and friends?  Because it is Kathy laughing at me and telling me how silly I was for having circles.  I was reminded of that and even though I have two very definite circles going on- Eureka and Home, I can’t live between the circles.  I have to live in them.  For a normal person, I suppose the advice would be to live in one, but I cannot do that.  I hate being normal, despise it. So for the time being, at least, I’m going to live in as much of both circles, not between them, as I possibly can. 

Whether I can or not is to be determined, but that means I have to be a part of this circle fully, but still connected to what I left behind irrevocably and positively.  I am certain I will try to do my best, and wish me luck as I go on.  Most of all help me to be a part of the community I just left from a distance.  I want to, help me be able to.

Thank you and I love you all.

By the way, if you comment on my blogs I appreciate it immensely, but I do not know how to comment back!  Some of you mention frustration about commenting, if you cannot comment on the blog itself, comment of my Facebook status- I read both! 

I don’t understand why I cannot comment as I WRITE the blog, but it says I don’t have the access.  Hmph!